HEEHEEHEE!

I finally figured out what I felt was missing even through the good feelings. I got this sense of lethargy and lifelessness, like I just want to sit and bask. For those who know the story of warcraft, this was probably the feeling that came over the Orcs after the demon influence was removed from them, the lethargy and sluggishness that replaced the bloodlust and violence. Is this what is right? Should I return to my old ways, or try walking this road? Somehow I feel more inclined to study like this though...
As for the object of this change, I think I shall leave this as an unrequited form of admiration, for surely, there would be no chance of gaining her love back.
Needless to say, I feel alright as things are, better to have the possibilities open and the gate open to these new emotions, rather than screwing up epically like the last times. I thought I knew what liking someone was like long ago, but that was only carnal, I feel the spiritual side now (i guess :P) and it seems to have cleansed me?
Even if I never get to be together with said party, I want this feeling to stay on in my heart to keep me from the dark.
And it means I ain't gay heh.

Fly away to a better place,
Every day feeling your embrace.

This

Now. This is the only thing that has managed to cure me of hatred, instead of exuding black/red I currently exude a pink aura?
Hm. Perhaps there was more to life than just lust hate greed violence and blood.
Perhaps there was something more.
Something good inside me? I'd like to see where this leads. Something I never expected to be true suddenly dropped on me.
In wonderment I gaze on my surroundings with new sight. There is beauty in the world. There is hope and light. The rain is not cold and dampening anymore, but is cool and refreshing. Butterflies fly in front of me and I smile. Surreal things prove to be solid, and what once was my life is now a faraway dream of darkness and blood. This completely new feeling is indescribable. What has happened to me? I feel a drive to study? To make myself look better? To do good things?
All the evil songs I had are gone, no more black metal. Somehow they don't make me high or happy anymore.
All I need now is just to exist and perhaps glimpse you...

Who have brought me crashing down.

If I woke up now and this was a dream,
I can't decide if I should laugh or scream.

Perhaps love

I have made up my decision; my path is set. It is time for me to embrace the disaster for better or worse. Yet strangely I do not feel bad or that apprehensive, rather, a feeling I never experienced before. This, being so strong, has wiped away all the hate and violence within me better than any drug. What is this feeling? I ever liked people before, but always in a carnal sense, yet this transcends that.
So, would this
be what those poets talk about?
Would this be...

THAT?

Please let me know the truth,
This troubled heart to sooth.

Heeheehee

Lol the play Apocalypse was super funny, who said it was emo sia? The msg was cool and so were the actors. Special thing, new vulgarity learnt: Tua F***. Means big f***, quite nice i think got many chance to use in sch ahaha.
I am still trying to solve the mystery of the prelude to disaster, if anyone noes anything about it please tell me.
Apocalypse Aftermath was even more cool haha. We go Macs there eat and camwhore, talk long also. Then I realized 2 things: 1) I was wearing my grad night stuff (minus the dyed hair) 2) After the play "Blithe Spirit" last year we went to the exact same place to talk about life, specifically about what we would do next year, which is the present now.
Hai I'm so happy that I did not feel emo about the library even through its significance, just felt nostalgic. Thanks Mari for hearing me out! Its another burden off my heart, somehow i feel that this will only leave when i tell a girl, and its gone :D
Haha us after the Macs thing... maybe some more. On FB anw. Just a thought, whos the cutest/hottest of them all heh heh tag or sth :D
Gyah promos are coming i gonna start hardcoring.
But first, THE FRICKING DISASTER!
What should I do?
Prevent the disaster?
Avoid the disaster?
Or...
Embrace the disaster???
Help me if you know how. I'm ending this with something positive.

Today is a gift, that is why it is called the present.

Title

Hai. Now I on drugs alr.
I have to hand it to the school now I feel so happy all the time.
Anyway, the best part of school is always after sch, whole day spent talking cock about preventing disasters.
Quoting:

Person 1: If you like someone but that person is you cannot get one then how?
Person 2: Don't like lor
Person 1: But what if I scared starting to like?
Person 2: In that case in order to prevent THE DISASTER you kill her first! Then dunnid like alr!

Heh. We gonna make a new motto. Call ourselves "The Disaster Preventors". In life, you will sometimes be forced to kill someone to survive. So, to prevent THE DISASTER, we kill YOU first! Hee!

I found the Joker truck damn cool, the quote suits me (both of me) very well. "(S)laughter is the best medicine". If I feel nasty on a particular day, then slaughter is the best medicine. If I'm normal, then laughter is the best medicine. Aha nice.

I uh, have promos to mug for heh. I don't mug I gonna fail sia. Retain sia. So, to prevent THE DISASTER, I kill myself first! Hee!

It is a big mistake to give a mad person a big weapon
It is an even BIGGER mistake to make a mad person INTO a weapon.

55!

Hai.
Mugging with no book damn hard, i got frens to scan and print but then still wtf no notes!
Knn i get zero alr la. I dun understand the crap at all plus no practise cos I was trying to concentrate on econs.
Wtf. Life.
Figured that my guy friends are the ones to be counted on after all in times of need sia. Guess I gotta learn independence, frens will get married and have to take care of a wife someday. That means if I get married I will have to take care of 2 ppl. Whao. At least someone would "cook, clean and do my bed" :D
Chauvinistic no?
Yeah baby.
For more info go ask people about the hilarious defense talk we attended, starring Gan, AbiKang and BEN!
Bet people see Ben name there alr wanna noe more sia.
I feel that I should put up pictures, so this one is for my dear OG! BB07!

Haha I may profess to hate girls, but you all are some of the coolest girls I've ever seen lol so cheers! I'm the dude sitting down btw lol.
Damn, I actually feel that its kinda stupid for me to be the only one sitting down next to someone I'm rumored to like but wadda heck. The truth will prevail nay?
Well wish the whole Rj life was orientation, its definately been one of the most memorable.
Stay cute people.
As for myself, its time to go off for the chem spa and test tml. Leaving here with something that I'd say would describe what you have to give for maths.


Lmao.

Life

Lol life. I kena scam again. Stupid textbook gone missing, duno where i think someone borrow and nvr return. Anw, the bulk of the test from that book means i cant mug it properly means gg : P
So much shit to do, promos in 40 days and PW, dont even get me started on that.
For relationship matters, things have taken a really unexpected turn for the worst. What should I do if I like someone who's out of bounds? I will try to prevent this from happening...
Oh by the way, if anyone else has experienced many turns of bad luck or problems after playing WC3, specifically dota, pls let me noe, if not den I would just say this is another superstition of my family's.
By the way, theres chem spa and lecture test for maths on monday.
Life rocks.

The night's darkest just before the dawn,
Until you would wish you never were born,
Or go crazy and decide to watch porn,
Hold on, my friends, and wait for the morn.

For freedom

More of this life!
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Whole day felt like killing someone.
In fact, during PE, I almost lost control and kicked someone, lucky i dint extend the leg.
Damn. I think its catching up to me. That which was never meant to be unleashed in a human...
I need a girl that can help me man. I think my family has too many problems to be able to do so. Guy friends, help me keep positive alright? Then we'd all be safe. But I think the only cure to this is ...love. Which is kinda bad cos I'm lacking in the stuff.
Enough said, there are dark aspects of myself that I only allowed people to noe of this year cos I thot they would be able to understand. In doing so, I seem to have acknowledged its presence and now feel worse. Help me.
If you are wondering, I guess you can ask me, but personally, or ask someone who knows. do not speculate please, and do not spread stupid rumours. That's all I ask.
As for life, same old sad one. School again, I look forward to holidays as usual.
Night.

Give me your hand but realize I just want to say goodbye...

...

I been too sick to post. Sick of life. New developments in family really quite sad so i can't say more. Needless to say, today I received some better news so at least not all wrong. Then more shit from closer to me comes along heh heh.
PW still there and makes me feel damn pissed, the fuxin source screw up for EoM so need redo, after i spent 4 hours doing it in the first fuxin place. Completely redo. Damn. I had a trashy time at RJ nat day celebrations, all ccb go find girls one lol left a small grp of us dunno wad to do so we went over to LT5 to slack. At least there we had some quiet. After that, 4P celebration! YAY! Now this is what I call fun. We go the roof of C block, take many obscene pictures and play "surprise buttsecks!" and glowstick bottle soccer and stuff, swear damn loud as well heh. Never had fun since school started till that one time, this is testament to how failure RJC is as compared to RI. And the only difference in RJC is that, well you see, we are no longer a single sex school...
In fact, I manage to get the disadvantages of a mixed school without any of the benefits. I get stupid girls bitching about me behind my back, and thinking all sorts of really dumb things about me as well, while I do not get the fun of having a girl-relationship. (since even if i had a close girl friend she would be rumoured to be my "girlfren" by other stupid people) Failage. I really shuda gone to Anderson. Ah well, the grass always greener on the other side, if the skirts are not. Dark Knight was damn good, Joker is fricking pro and I emphathize with him a lot! :D "Some people just want to see the world burn".
Honestly, where has good gone in the world? Other than the friends I have (who almost exclusively are guys) and 4P, life holds nothing sacred to me. Family got rugby mad people. Also got darker problems. School can eat shit. Don't get me started on girls.
I need something to live for.
Please let me find that.
Actually I was hoping to find a girl I really liked so I could have something more than just friendship, I need love in this life full of hate. But then, I can't and probably won't find one who would heal this broken heart and not one who would rip it apart. Sei life sucks nay? Happy birthday Singapore anyway. At least the country still goes on. Olympics? Who cares a damn?

Look at this life through eyes full of hate,
This lust to spill blood, I cannot sate.

Moses
RJ :(
Ex 4P dude!
BB o7!
09So7B
That girl :D
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