Friday, January 23, 2009
I may be dreaming awake
Lol I still haven't shaken it yet. But really, I guess if I concentrate on something else hard enough, this would just go away. Thus, we decided to try forming up as a band for real to jam now. Heh it's really good to have friends in your band, then we could skip all the attrition and politics and arguments whatever. Or at least make it easier to handle. Think of a nice band name! :D
Erstwhile, while thinking about you guys, I realized I forgot to blog about that cool niteout. So we is to talk about that now nays?
Well it was always quite fun to try new things. So we decided as a group of friends, to go for a "formal" dinner in the hols. Well we did dress formally, and went to Crystal Jade (XD specially significant to someone eh?) to have dinner. But then we realized OMG we don't wanna pay like 40 bucks per person to eat! So we ate random small dishes of our own instead. Lol I ate porridge with abalone it was really quite awesome.
Heh it does look pretty nice what! Anyway, during the course of the dinner, we obviously talked a lot of crap la and also took pictures, which can be found on FB in due time, if we ever like get the guts to post pictures of our insaneness online XD
But anyway, here are the people.
Here's Bak and Eddie with a public display of affection. Both got damn nice expressions LOL.
The next 2, featuring HP the shift and Leo who was probably the only one wearing a real formal attire heh. Vair nice man!
Ah here's the last 2 dudes, yours truly, who looks like he's threathening someone, and Choon who looks like he's threathening me. Or sth LOL.
So there we are, just a random group of guys.
After dinner, we went to the top of the Suntec fountain, where people usually like go dating. True to form, there were several couples there but they only WTFed at our activities and didn't interfere so not too bad la!
I wore singlet inside long sleeve shirt! Vair cool sia walking in the city in long pants and singlet LOL also literally cool what.
We spent quite some time screwing around and taking picts. Let's review...
Ah the 2 of the at it again, must have been influenced by the couples nearby. Me in between, which probably explains my pained expression. Leo's always happy to see love though!
Bak's expression is classic. My pose is spastic.
Hp thought my shirt was cool so he borrowed it while I walk around in singlet :p
I think my expression here quite interesting :)
Well at least Eddie took this pict, so we all quite handsome XD
AND WTH WHO TOOK THIS? I look like the major wtf LOL. But it can't be Choon cos he was on the phone. OMG I BET IT'S A GHOST THAT WANTS TO MAKE ME LOOK REALLY STUPID! Zz.
Anyway, we have our fun. To quote Leo "We can get high without alcohol!" Aye great times with you guys. I should treasure the time we have together and not waste it being emo over meaningless things.
Well it's been a nice day as well cause we went LAN for the first time in ages. But I guess it's time to rest, considering I slept over 1 for the past day/few days (can't keep track : /). So yeah. Happy Chinese New Year people!
You promised me the sunrise,
at 5:23 AM
Monday, January 19, 2009
And once again the tide goes out
Sickening. I lack words to describe my state of mind. I think the closest to it would be "fuck". The damn book is still at large, spreading venom throughout the wound in the heart. Sometimes I guess drastic measures would be in order. Kind of annoying that I have to deal with dumb things like this when I have the A levels to contend with as well. A mistake I have made, the price I have paid. Tenfold. Thousandfold. Was liking someone ever a sin? Now it is lul. Oh yeah and I failed the first test this year bleh. Annoying, it better be the last. This fail was the result of my dumbass being emo over something that was ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS and COMPLETELY FAIL. Yet another side effect of the liking. It is the ultifuck. Thus I conclude a straight ace technique to enter the gloomy world of depression is to like someone. Or have an absolutely fabulous tuesday to look forward to. Ending at 315 with ONE break and having to endure being constantly in sight of HER is a very draining and nasty experience, preferably one I'd like to forgo. But then, life's like that nay? One thing I can say, I congradulate myself on having balls. (in case you dunno this means being brave)
You promised me the sunrise,
at 7:30 AM
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Depression :(
And I can't seem to shake it. It's been on me since like the start of the week, if you noticed carefully, I was very antisocial and even left the clique to go home early almost every day, in fact, I only ate dinner once with them. Damn what's wrong with me? I bet it's got something to do with my relationship status yet AGAIN. Fuck, this time there's no direct link, but I'm pretty sure of it. Even the passing away of my great grandmother didn't cause this much gloom. So why's things like this? I even got the 1k budget I wanted to get my new guit.
I don't know, even though I'd been studying like a lot since school started, somehow, life seems to have lost its meaning. Could it have to do with my final admission of defeat? (you know what area this pertains to) Possible. Or maybe it's because dota sucks now and I can't even relieve myself that way. Or the timetable sucks. Or the weather sucks. I have no idea. All I know is that I don't feel like doing anything at all, so I've got to force myself to do things I think are interesting. Hate this. Better get over this soon, or I'd go insane. Damn, damn, damn. Hang in there man.
You promised me the sunrise,
at 7:31 AM
Friday, January 16, 2009
It was so sad it was funny, or maybe it was so funny it was sad
Due to unexpected circumstances, I didn't manage to blog for a while.
On monday, my great-grandmother passed away peacefully. She was turning 100 this year. I wasn't extremely close to her, but still of course I felt a bit of sadness at never seeing her again on earth. What shocked me was the lack of emotion I truly felt. Honestly, when did I become so cold? The very night before, I did my lit essay on death and how people deal with it. The next day, I found myself repeating what I said in a twisted parody of my own writing, in order to comfort my mom, who was very close to my great grandma. Life's full of unexpected twists.
On tuesday, the funeral day, I had another weird experience. Suffice it to say that I now know the perspective of some unfortunate girls who have problems in love affairs as well. Now I don't know who or what to blame for my failure, except myself of course. Are you really worth that much to me?
Well the rest of the week was pretty trash, hectic and boring. It seems that time has been creeping since the start of the year. Or maybe it was my insomnia. Either way, I'd been very antisocial lately, I don't know why, but I wish to go home early after school instead of hanging around. Even with the J1 batch's entrance, (where there seem to be some girls worth looking at) I still feel like runnig off.
Last of all, I'd been rethinking my last year's love affairs. I realized that I've been damn immature and stupid, innocent and naive. I epically lost ALL my face with the giving of the book (which is partly why I'm so desperate to get it back), and whatever remained was erased through my poor treatment of the whole thing. One has to finally admit defeat sometime I guess. The thing is how not to feel regret and sadness about it. I guess I'm going to have to learn how to do that. Meanwhile, this is for you girl.
For the heart I'll never have.
You promised me the sunrise,
at 7:44 AM
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Thus the beginning of the end.
Well its the start of my last official year in the raffles group.
Kind of interesting that after 5 years, I'm back in RI again. Haha.
I'd like to comment more, but I gotta sleep in case I can't wake up tomorrow. Bad to start a year with a white slip. I'm gonna talk more about the count down and stuff some other time, promised haha. I'm even gonna put up picts, so stay tuned if you want.
Thus the brave souls went forth, forging the beginning of the end.
You promised me the sunrise,
at 6:46 AM
Friday, January 2, 2009
My own Ten Commandments
Ok, in case I forget, I'm gonna write down my resolutions for the year so I can like stick to something this year.
1) Say less obscenities. Aye, it may go along with my image of being low life and crude, but still I think I might want to change that. It's about time to grow up.
2) Mug. As in, really mug. I need those A's for the A levels.
3) Get a life. A real one. This may be hard with all the mugging and stuff but I'm pretty sure I can at least maintain this one.
4) The "were". Generally means gym till I am majorly overpowered. Which is a matter of point of view. Currently can do 15 chins (only zzz). Though people think that may perhaps be a lot *ahem* Peng *ahem*, I think more is better. I want at least 30 before I am satisfied.
5) Gain some serious weight. Well people have been tellin me and I've been trying. But I will grow huge yet, I hope.
6) More friends. Especially girls. I hope to banish the entire stigma I have about girls from my twin epic disasters of relationship making. Thus, I need to get to know more girls, nice ones who're willing to get close enough to me to prove that the venom of "love" does not kill relationships.
7) The seven. Need to clear all the rubbish up. Burn the stupid book. Hopefully learn the truth and also make up?
8) A valentine. Never had one, so I guess I'd try for one this year. Well if I fail, gotta wait 2 more years y'noe.
9) The guitar skills. Both electric and classical, to satisfy both sides of my personality. I wanna serenade people, and rock ceilings down. Better start practicing!
10) Be a nicer person. People would think of me as "damn screwed up" sometimes. Well I won't deny that I can be...excessive at times. But I'd try to change that and hope to be more likeable.
These are the 10 commandments as laid out by Moses for himself to follow, and he jolly well better follow them, or at least make a decent attempt to.
Maybe after this is done, I'd be able to face myself in the mirror.
I'd post the countdown and reflections on last year soon, when I get the time!
You promised me the sunrise,
at 9:46 AM
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Let the tide wash it away
Happy new year people! :D
It's been a real hell of a year. Well agreeably, things were not as good as they should have been, but it was still a happening year. There were many bad times, but so were there good times. Whether I be staring into emptiness while I feel hopelessness at my aunt's condition, or laughing and gesticulating excessively while talking to friends, all these experiences and memories served to make me into what I am today.
I could have gone down a better and brighter path, I guess. I could have completely thrown off the shackles of the past and become a completely different and better person. But I realize now that no matter how imperfect or screwed up this person may be, he was still the person you people chose to befriend in the first place. That being said, I wouldn't have had to change to live up to your expectations anyway!
Thanks for being there, whether it be by my side as I faced many, many horrible obstacles, or listening to me rant about my abysmal love life, or enjoying a laugh with me as we completed a particularly entertaining lesson, thank you for just letting your path cross mine. I may sound like a hypocrite, but this is how I feel at this moment.
I know I made a hell lot of wrong decisions this year (ALMOST all pertaining to relationships :/), but there were right ones too. Like...urh... well I can't remember any offhand, but I'm sure they were there...right? And to top things off, I didn't bomb the promos as bad as I thought. But the real challenge is right on, so lets face one last thing together yeah?
We'll ace it yet!
The countdown event we were helping out with was also pretty fun I guess, but yeah that'll be a post for another day, I'm sleepy right about now.
Suffice it to say that, I want to clear away the failures and tears for this year before starting a new year fresh. Let the tide of time wash all these small marks away, making your life (and mine) a pristine white beach (NOT like those on Batam). That said, once again, happy new year and best wishes to everyone here for the year ahead. May we all excel in every area of our lives!
Ps, if you are reading this girl, I want my book back. I'm sorry if its a bad offer to ask for the return of something given, but it really must be removed from this world. It's a taint on my mind of a painful past and a future that was never meant to be.
You promised me the sunrise,
at 9:22 AM
Here's Bak and Eddie with a public display of affection. Both got damn nice expressions LOL.
The next 2, featuring HP the shift and Leo who was probably the only one wearing a real formal attire heh. Vair nice man!
Ah here's the last 2 dudes, yours truly, who looks like he's threathening someone, and Choon who looks like he's threathening me. Or sth LOL.
Ah the 2 of the at it again, must have been influenced by the couples nearby. Me in between, which probably explains my pained expression. Leo's always happy to see love though!
Bak's expression is classic. My pose is spastic.
Hp thought my shirt was cool so he borrowed it while I walk around in singlet :p
I think my expression here quite interesting :)
Well at least Eddie took this pict, so we all quite handsome XD
AND WTH WHO TOOK THIS? I look like the major wtf LOL. But it can't be Choon cos he was on the phone. OMG I BET IT'S A GHOST THAT WANTS TO MAKE ME LOOK REALLY STUPID! Zz.