And what should have been...

Today was v'day celebrations. But it was also friday the 13th. Apparently the misfortune accompanying friday the 13th is more imba than the love of v'day. Lol. Today quite suay sia. First was the damn present. Of all the stupid things, the only letter with "I <3 you" on it has to be her initial. So fucking stupid lol, in the end i wrote something and asked her to choose, obviously she chose the letter, which said "good friends like you are hard to find" or something like that. Well I don't even know if I'd been rejekted to my face this time. But truth is, the rest of the day was too cool, so much so that even this kind of thing didn't come as too much of a surprise.
First thing in the morning go get coffee then get scolded by the aunty for not returning the trolley the day before when we brought refreshments to the lawsoc thing. Damn, not completely my fault. My neck was aching like hell whole day, wanted to like die or something. And of course I had no money to get food cause' I bought presents. Lol and I got one and only one present. After checking with Bak, I realized that my standing in class is something akin to SoonYoong or Blee in his class. Like WTF! :O
After this failure on v'day, I even more want to give up the girl. But even if I decided to like finally force myself to drop her, no matter the pain, I won't give up on the concept of love anymore. I realized that its better to live for an ideal that doesn't exist rather than for a reality that's trash and screwed up.
For even if there really was no such thing as love, there ought to have been. For love is a beautiful thing.

Sea of uncertainty

Oh no! The day is fast approaching and I am completely immersed in a sea of uncertainty! What to do?! To ask or not to ask? Would I compromise my slight progress this week by trying to revive the game? Would I be able to succeed if I asked? Would she get annoyed more? Is there even a chance to succeed? Grr I cannot answer any of these questions. And the worst part is I can't answer to myself if I fail anyway. If I don't do anything and fail, then the "heart" part of me would ask "Why did you not try? Now you'll live forever with the regret of never having tried."
Or if I tried and failed, the "head " part of me would say "Why did you do something so stupid? You might have had more chance if you didn't try!"
Screw man if only humans had either a head or a heart and not both at the same time.
Advice anyone? :(

I will wait for you

Apparently my mom looked at my fist today and said I have only one love line, but a very deep one. If I'm to put any stock in this at all, it means I will fall in love with only one person, and marry that person and have a very nice romantic story.
Isn't that sweet?
Whoever you are, I will wait for you.

Fight to the end

Take 5 was about a hundred times better than last year (answering Gan's question of course). Wow vair romantic man, beach yanoe?
Ok fine actually we tried to go cycle but spent most of the time teaching Bak instead :P
Watch talentine, then saw WJ get unplugged on stage halfway through performance. But still manage to save himself so it wasn't that bad, then the dude throwing out sweets from a bag threw his handphone out into the crowd LOL epic funny.
Lunch with class was really booring cause' like no guy talked much to girl and vice versa. This once again shows the disunity that's coming over us bleh perhaps due to A' levels.
Gym again, while I haven't actually gone for a while, I'm surprised that my bicep curl improves to 10 x 30kg per hand alr. Which actually goes to show how hardcore the PE has been anyway.
Lol that wasn't to pose. Anyway, crash Onite and quite stupid la just go screw around. Was quite fun, but not enough of the P people turned up so not as good as it woulda been.
When asked about Vday, I said I had someone in mind to ask out but
a) The person would probably decline
b) The story behind this is so cool it makes Othello look like a comedy. Which it technically isn't. (ok maybe a bit exaggerated)
Either way, like this is the last chance we have to find a date for the next 2 years so I guess I'd try for one anyway :D

For he who runs at just a thought,
No victory if no battle's fought.
XD Love rhyming its quite fun.

Sick Romantic

Ah crap tomorrow's Take5.
Half of me wants to pon, remembering the painful memory of last year's. Then again, I might be able to purge those memories if I went and had fun. Damn, how to decide?
I figured that my life has many problems mainly because I keep looking at things in a very weird manner, perhaps if I were to try looking at things more conventionally...
But I can't! Somehow I don't know why but my perceptions are damn warped. For example, I don't even know if I believe in the concept of love at all any more. On one hand, I want to call it just a plain old desire for easy and convenient sex. On the other hand, I seemed to have found something more, though I couldn't quite place it. Besides, existing for sex is just some really stupid idea.
Honestly, given the choice, I'd much rather still live for love, even if it doesn't exist. At least the desired outcome is wholesome, and even if you never make it, you'd feel good anyway, because you tried till the end. Hopefully you'd never have to be proven wrong.
Well here I am ranting again but really my thoughts are messed up again and I need somewhere to air them. ARGH.

Crimson, my brain bleeds its sanity out

I must really say, although I never expected such a bad relapse, today was quite trying. Suddenly in the morning the rage and desire came over me again, feeling like unleashing all that violence so bad I probably behaved very strangely and did some things I could not control. Ah well. For those in the know you'd like understand. But for those who don't know, its like alright cause' you probably think me insane anyway.
Heh.
I decided to pen down my thoughts while I was in that state and it kind of helped quite a bit. Once I got like enough sense to read what I was writing I almost died from shock. Honestly, I would not want to share it. Just suffice it to say that it wasn't pleasant. Though a lot of it was influenced by metal lyrics. Which may be something that's causing me to be that screwed up but hey, it's like the only music that doesn't make me feel bitter after listening to it (other than classical but that doesn't have lyrics).
After that I seemed to like completely change my mood and become high or happy or what ever I was. Wow I really am the insane.
Anyways, apparently it's the mark of metal guitarists to mainly be insane. So at least, on the bright side, I'm well on my way to being pro! :D
Today jamming was much better, pulled off a couple of songs like Reptilia and whatnot.
I'd like to say that I didn't care, but next week is valentines day and I'm kinda being put in some black melancholy cause' I am reminded again of LAST year's which was a shit. Anyway, at least its on saturday so
1) No need to expect presents/give presents
2) No need to see all happily deluded couples parading their foolishness in the streets
3) I can sleep till 2 pm again and thus skip half the stupid day

Even so, I bet I, in all my infinite wisdom, will still get it into my head to go down somewhere in the city to like think things over again, by which time I'd see many couples and get damn pissed again. Well, that's life. You'd like to destroy what you can never have.

When the heart turns a shade of black

Heh contrary to the title's implications, I'm not going to emo again here (much :D). Instead, this here's dedicated to a very bleak day, a day where I just felt so damn sad and went to Suntec on my own to like think everything over, the wrong decisions, the misfortune of liking someone who'd never reciprocate, the bitterness of YET another failure. So, while I was out there, I concocted a random poem. It goes:

Humans
Have within us our personal
Demon.
Called forth from our own infernal
Love
That beautifully depicted
Curse.
Mindless fools sadly deluded
Embrace
Such a sweetly decorated
Malaise.
What a faithfully narrated
Love Story
Beneath it all it was really
Blasphemy.
Everything begins with merely
A kiss
Yet such a small act would unleash
The Beast.

...and here the poem tapers off into incoherence and insanity as I use graphic and disturbing images that kind of make no sense. "drink of the cup of iniquity taste, blood. Feel the curse of man in your broken, heart." Something like that. Gone already, I was at that point. But no matter, while the poem ain't good, it does bring to mind the terrible effects that false hope and love can ravage someone with. It's wise not to think of such things. But anyway, I'd like you sad single souls to know that this valentine's day, there will be at least someone like you who will sit under the starry sky thinking and dreaming of the person who will never come. Be comforted. Wow ok so I did manage to emo rant again. Grr better think positive man! (even if you look like a raptor D:)
Well J2 kind of sucks cause' like everyday we get some shit to do and thus cannot enjoy ourselves, can't even look at the oh-so-slight improvement in scenery in school. (I mean the girls :P) Meh whatever. Life goes through tough times, just bear it. Unless your're sick minded, don't read the next 2 lines, it's a 4P pep talk kinda thing so you know what it means.

"Life is like...my *any name for manhood here*. When it gets hard, that's when the fun starts!"
(Grins) Yeah it is. Fun time :D

Unchain me

Moses
RJ :(
Ex 4P dude!
BB o7!
09So7B
That girl :D
Better looks
Better grades :p
An improved guitar
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