Wednesday, September 3, 2008
The black abyss
This is it. I would have tried so hard to find that one person for me, to get that one thing that could possibly distract me from the bleakness of life. Yet, no chance. As I ran away from the ravening troubles in life that seek to devour me, I saw the door of love open, I saw Her on the other side, with a sweet smile, that I will never forget. Then, I saw Him. Desperately increasing my speed, I had hoped to reach that last ray of hope that remained for me. But, even as I thought I could make it, prince charming managed to slam the door shut to me in my face. With such a small action, this last hope for redemption and salvation for me is gone. Running out of energy to escape from the real face of life, I give up the fight. Standing still, the demons of my life overtake me, and all is dark again. The ray of light, gone.
Life. Absolute darkness and despair. The black abyss that is my soul overflows. Tears of blood and darkness flow from my eyes. Even as I feel this pain I suddenly realize, this is where I belong. I like it in the dark. Well, I have to like it, as this is the only place I can go.
Extended metaphor aside, you guessed it. I feel that someone like me who has so much shit to deal with at home cannot possibly compete with a prince charming. It's not that I cannot be bothered. Thinking deeper, I find that if I were to ask and she were to accept me, she would have to face the same hell that I have. And I could not possibly let her suffer this torment. Already when she saw the surface of the fetid lake that is my life, she did not know what to do. I will not let her suffer, she deserves better, to be happy. Thus in gallantry and caprices, do I go forth to face my life, alone, in the dark. Will there be anyone who will become this final ray of light, or will I let my deepest, darkest self out into the open and manifest the beast within? Can I control myself? Only my close friends stand by me now. Everyone else finds it too hard to come down into the dark pit to face my troubles with me.
Anyone wants a light?
Here, burn my funeral pyre.
You promised me the sunrise,
at 7:25 AM
