Friday, September 26, 2008
Did it really matter?
The promos are over. I probably died for maths and possibly everything. But I don't care anymore. Somehow, there's this apathy towards everything around me now. I actually enjoyed myself for only 1 hour plus, then I got the tragic realization, and I really didn't feel anything until later when I was trying to sleep, that the pain started. Its like when you get a really deep cut, how you can see the bone and muscle tissue for a while before the blood gushes out, and even then the pain only registers after some time.
I realize that after all, someone like me would never be blessed with that kind of ideal relationship.
Ironic that I thought it would be good.
First in sec 2. That was fate's cruel trick against me, but then again it was such an immature attraction I could only say it was puppy love.
Then came the long standing hurt. I won't say much, save that the story was black to the core, and that it was some of the worst shit that could happen in one's love story.
But the feeling I had for the past few, I swear, cannot be compared to those I've been having recently. Its the kind of feeling you get in really good dreams, or when you lose yourself in sweet memories and daydreams. Wish I could have kept these forever. They were the best actual glimpse I've had as to how it feels to have a heart.
That was simple naivety. I should never have given myself false hopes, nor even thought that such a perfect thing existed in this corrupt world. How many times do I have to be burnt by these ridiculous things before I realize that after all, a true relationship only becomes successful if its based on lust alone?
Perhaps I should go along that road. Leave the dreaming to the perfect people. If I think only that way towards someone I "like", having no true emotional feelings towards them, I would not be leaving myself open to being hurt so bad anymore.
I hear stories of others' success. I look at my own many failures. Some are meant for that kind of perfection. Others are meant for sex. The road I have to take? I don't know. Will someone please tell me if I should stop letting myself be hurt? Or carry on because it would all be worth it?
You know the thing about life?
It's bitter.
You promised me the sunrise,
at 8:37 AM
