Wednesday, November 12, 2008
To me.
It has been some time. Yet another week, my mental state remains as unstable haha.
Seeing everyone around me like going off doing many useful things, getting work attachments like the HP or CIPs. And where am I? Stuck at home getting cut on the jagged edges of broken dreams.
Ay sucks. Wish I were stronger then perhaps I'd be able to take this shit better and get over it.
She'd have finished her O'levels by now, and we would have been able to go out...
Well that was how it is in the dreams. Or I'd be with the other person, the one who haunts my waking moments. The one who, for a moment, I believed to be the right one. Haha. So many fickle things flit through my mind, its a wonder I'm not insane. Or perhaps I am. I have given the girl a new nickname to alleviate the situation. Basically I guess it doesn't hurt so much in the sense that I can throw the damn possibilities of relationships out of my mind. But in both cases, I appear to have lost the friend that I started out with. The first is probably gone forever. The second? I don't know, but she's like afraid of me (maybe because she thinks seeing me is awkward?). If this friendship dies too, thats what really hurts me most. I did the ultimate act of stupidity and burned my chances (however slim they were) to nothing. And for what? All for the fucking truth, I felt that I owed my friend the truth. Well if there no longer is a friend, then I'd done that for naught. What the fuck.
All for her and all for me.
You promised me the sunrise,
at 7:41 AM
