Monday, December 1, 2008
The Swan's path of your heart
Do you believe, that if you follow what your heart tells you about anything, it is the absolute truth? Will you follow your heart even against the better judgment of your mind?
Will you throw away what your mind holds dear to be loyal to your heart?
I did.
Perhaps it was the worst mistake of my life. Perhaps I should have done it another way. Perhaps I should never have at all. No one will know. Not even I. Even though my mind told me that there was no way I would succeed, that I would lose even the friendship I still wanted to keep despite failure, I went ahead anyway. Of course, now the regret sets in. But still it was the path my heart told me was right? So it would work out for the best. (?) I try to tell myself that. That even though I have experienced this setback, this was the right thing to do. My heart told me, that deep inside, I knew she shared this attraction to me, that she'd accept what the hell ever I was trying to push at her. My mind told me that I should have played for MY personal gain and not do such a stupid thing.
I listened to the heart.
It was lying.
I was always a romantic idiot, regardless of whether I admitted it or not. I believed that our hearts have a special way of communicating with one another, that when one heart felt the attraction of special care towards another, that heart would feel it too and would tell it so, despite whatever our physical bodies may do. So immersed within this delusion was I that I failed to think rationally. I imagined that HER heart was telling me to do this as well. Hahaha you people may think me the insane. But I have to admit, at that point, I WAS the insane. Now I see clearly. I see how hopelessly foolish I'd been. Damn, if I could rewind time I would make it all right. But this is life. Real life, where your minds control everything and your hearts tell you soft lies you should never listen to, despite how sweet and enticing they sound. Really, I'm a living example of what happens when you listen to the wrong thing.
I don't know how to continue I guess.
My heart lied. I wanna rip it out and eat it. Or something. But my mind tells me I'll die if I do so. This time, I'm gonna listen to my mind. I think its smarter.
Does it truly pay, to be THAT loyal to your heart?
You promised me the sunrise,
at 6:25 AM
