Friday, January 16, 2009
It was so sad it was funny, or maybe it was so funny it was sad
Due to unexpected circumstances, I didn't manage to blog for a while.
On monday, my great-grandmother passed away peacefully. She was turning 100 this year. I wasn't extremely close to her, but still of course I felt a bit of sadness at never seeing her again on earth. What shocked me was the lack of emotion I truly felt. Honestly, when did I become so cold? The very night before, I did my lit essay on death and how people deal with it. The next day, I found myself repeating what I said in a twisted parody of my own writing, in order to comfort my mom, who was very close to my great grandma. Life's full of unexpected twists.
On tuesday, the funeral day, I had another weird experience. Suffice it to say that I now know the perspective of some unfortunate girls who have problems in love affairs as well. Now I don't know who or what to blame for my failure, except myself of course. Are you really worth that much to me?
Well the rest of the week was pretty trash, hectic and boring. It seems that time has been creeping since the start of the year. Or maybe it was my insomnia. Either way, I'd been very antisocial lately, I don't know why, but I wish to go home early after school instead of hanging around. Even with the J1 batch's entrance, (where there seem to be some girls worth looking at) I still feel like runnig off.
Last of all, I'd been rethinking my last year's love affairs. I realized that I've been damn immature and stupid, innocent and naive. I epically lost ALL my face with the giving of the book (which is partly why I'm so desperate to get it back), and whatever remained was erased through my poor treatment of the whole thing. One has to finally admit defeat sometime I guess. The thing is how not to feel regret and sadness about it. I guess I'm going to have to learn how to do that. Meanwhile, this is for you girl.
For the heart I'll never have.
You promised me the sunrise,
at 7:44 AM
